Thursday, January 10, 2013

Mom Guilt

This post is real, it isn't preppy, or pretty or full of discounts, but this is reality.  Baby C is scheduled for surgery next Tuesday.  We knew his tonsils were too big, the constant ear infections, antibiotics and steroids were not good for him any longer so we scheduled a date.  Both the surgeon and the anesthesiologist have treated Mini K.  We trust them.  So I took one happy Baby C to his pre-op physical and the bad news came:  his right eardrum had fully ruptured.  It was bad, really bad and need to be reconstructed.  This too will now happen on Tuesday.

Our pediatrician had seen him 5 days before and it was clear, well as clear as his eardrum gets.  He never got a fever, or stopped eating, or really fussed, yet the mom guilt still came.  My brain knows that this would have happened whether I work or not, was with him 24 hours a day or 2 and he is still my happy little boy.  We will not know if this impacts his hearing in any way until 6 weeks after the surgery.  It is these next 6 weeks that I fear...the wondering the unknown, let's be honest the fact that it is out of my hands.  I believe in God, I pray, but I am a mother so I worry and look at him in the rearview mirror twice as much, focus on what volume level he turns the iPad to,  because...yes I am a mom.

He is asleep in his bed, with his Build A Bear puppy he made with his big sister and promptly named Snuggles, his favorite thing to do.  He smiles even when he sleeps and he stirs constantly, because this little boy is ALL boy and doesn't like to sit still.

I decided to do this post, because I think ALL moms go through this.  We want to make it all better, even something as simple as a scrape, and even when we know it will be okay, it still keeps us up at night.

For those of you that read my New Year's post, you know one of my goals was to force myself out of my comfort zone, well leave it to my kids to push me so far out of my comfort zone I strain my eyes to try and see it.

So until tomorrow I will drink my caramel tea and.....worry.

1 comment:

Nelle Somerville said...

Will keep him in my prayers lady. Good for your for sharing your fear. Isn't that what life is all about? Here's to worrying just enough to keep you on your toes, and having enough faith that you get through it all with grace and flying preppy colors. xoxo, Nelle